Monday, May 11, 2009

FOX is DEAD to me!

Unless it renews Joss Whedon's Dollhouse. I've done this before..

SHORTFORM: Dollhouse brought me back to FOX, and I started watching OTHER SHOWS BECAUSE OF DOLLHOUSE. I will now STOP watching said shows. So if FOX thinks Dollhouse wasn't helping their ratings with other programming? They were WRONG. I doubt I'm the only one who left them back in 2003, and I won't be the only one leaving again.

LONGFORM: follows after The Bump.


WTF does 'bump' mean anyway?

Okay here's the deal. I have in the past ranted and wailed against the storms of discontent about how many shows FOX has broadcast, only to cancel just as I felt they were hitting their stride. It's effing frustrating! So after they canceled Firefly and a couple other shows around that time back in 2003, I swore off FOX. I had no idea that over five years have since passed. I didn't consciously realize it until I started writing this post (which originated as a response over at Whedonesque but took on a life of its own so I moved it over here) that when Joss Whedon announced he was returning to the FOX network to help out his friend Eliza Dushku with something called Dollhouse, that I apparently unofficially lifted my boycott of FOX. I started watching FOX shows again, in some cases completely unaware I was doing so.

For example, I've really tried to hop on board the Bones train because David Boreanaz was on it, and for me it didn't go anywhere. I've seen a couple random episodes but it hasn't pulled me in. Good to see David getting work, and I've missed him since FOX THE NOW DEFUNCT WB NETWORK CANCELED ANGEL THE TV SERIES, but I'm not all that sure what Bones is about really, or why I'm supposed to care.

I'm far more intrigued by House MD starring Hugh Laurie, whose work I've enjoyed since he was in the BBC tv sitcom Black Adder. He played Prince George! Yeah I didn't connect those dots until later either! WILD huh? I've only recently (halfway thru this season) become addicted to House MD. Unfortunately, House and Bones are both on FOX. That might explain why House is in its fifth season, Bones is in its fourth, and I've only recently learned about them. In 2003 I swore off Fox, and only started watching the network again because of a little something called Dollhouse.

Why exactly did I swear off FOX? How much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
  1. Firefly
  2. Angel (oh wait that was the WB nvm)
  3. Andy Richter Controls the Universe.
  4. The Ben Stiller Show
  5. The George Carlin Show
  6. Get A Life
  7. Greg The Bunny
  8. Herman's Head
  9. Garry Shandling
  10. Normal Ohio
  11. Roc (actually to be fair FOX fought hard for that one- loved the LIVE thing)
  12. The Tick
  13. Tracey Ullman (should STILL be on the air dammit!)
  14. Woops!
  15. Drive (it was Nathan Fillion so I snuck a peek - excelllent pilot!)
  16. Wonderfalls
  17. Strange Luck
  18. Freaky Links
  19. The Lone Gunmen
  20. Sliders (ok 5 yrs is a respectable run but I was still enjoying it)
  21. VR-5
  22. Brisco County Jr
  23. Harsh Realm
  24. Alien Nation (actually I kinda begrudingly agreed w/FOX on that one. Ow)
  25. MANTIS
  26. Tru Calling
  27. John Doe
And that's just off the top of my head. All the above shows I was enjoying when they were running and FOX prematurely axed them. I could also make a list of reality shows and other programs that they've kept going far longer than I think they should have. In some cases though I understand why they do. I don't watch American Idol but apparently the rest of the planet does. FOX simply isn't catering to me, so since 2003 I go out of my way not to cater to them. Fair's fair.

Five years went by and I hardly missed The Simpsons. I have distantly heard about The Office but never watched it and am now not going to start. 24 sounds like a lame premise that I haven't bothered to catch up on. I don't know anything about Family Guy nor do I want to. I kinda missed King of the Hill briefly (watched from 1997-2003) but I got over it. I live in North Texas, so if I want that show I can just stand on my front lawn for ten minutes and squint.

Guess what? All the following is moot to me if Dollhouse doesn't get renewed, cuz I will return to avoiding FOX like A(H1N1). Next time Whedon says he's doing something for the FOX network and this time it's gonna be different? Boy cried wolf. I learned my lesson. Fox is DEAD to me, if they don't renew Dollhouse.

Fringe, HouseMD, and Lie To Me have recently become guilty pleasures for me, and I only tangentially connected the dots to the fact these are FOX shows, cuz nowadays I watch my television via Hulu, and rarely pay attention to the opening bit where it tells me who's proud to support what and where it comes from. For those who actually still watch television on a television (how quaint!) Fringe would make a good lead in to Dollhouse - back last February! The idea of putting Terminator with Dollhouse is about as smart as mixing gasoline on a flame with more gasoline. Might look purty, but your house is still burning down.

The FOX network has two brain cells they rub together until they chafe, and they're fresh out of talcum powder. WHY did I let Whedon talk me into giving them another shot? WHY!??

Also, anything on a Friday night that doesn't involve sports, alcohol, or loud live music is a waste of resources to broadcast. I have quite literally up to seventy years of evidence to back up my statement. Why networks don't just shut down on Friday nights is beyond me. When they slot something on a Friday, they WANT to kill it, whether they admit it or not. That's been true since before NBC put Star Trek on Friday nights in 1968!

..King of the Hill was still on the air? ...Simpsons IS STILL ON THE AIR? Like I said (until recently) I don't watch much FOX. As for FOX's new pilot possibilities, doesn't look like I'll be missing much.

I remember Rick Springfield on Human Target back almost twenty years ago. It sucked then. I don't see how they can fix it now by revisiting the concept. No one could make Bionic Woman or Knight Rider any better in the 21st century, so Human Target is being reborn under a bad sign.

"Eva Adams, about a womanizing jerk who is 'transformed' into a woman and then suffers all the jerkish behavior he once doled out" ...They're kidding right? This sounds like a very bad Rob Schnieder film. In fact I think it was!

"Masterwork.. think National Treasure" ...I'd rather not.

"The Reincarnationist.. a team of investigators who solve your current woes by figuring out what you did in a past life." ...pull the other one! That'll go over in the heartland of America like a lead Hindenburg.

"Maggie Hill, featuring Alfre Woodard, is about a brilliant female surgeon who develops schizophrenia" I adore Woodard. I have since Hill Street Blues. Been watching her star shine a long time. I sure hope FOX brings back Dollhouse cuz it's gonna be a shame to miss her finally getting her own series.

"the long-awaited remake of Absolutely Fabulous from England" because bringing Coupling across the pond went over so bloody well! Bollocks! There are some things that were so amazing the first time, Americanizing them insults the intelligence, and makes the baby Jesus cry.

"Brothers is about a retired football player who returns home to connect with his family..." I'm sorry what? I dozed off in mid-sentence on that one.

"Cop House" .. "Sons of Tuscon" .. "Two Dollar Beer" ...yeah I'm not gonna miss FOX when it's out of my life again. There's a silver lining to every dark cloud.

The link in question says they dealt with NBC in a previous article, but I find it interesting to note that with Jay Leno taking over the third prime time hour five days a week, NBC now suddenly has one third as many prime time slots to fill as they have in the past, which pretty much covers all the shows they've already announced renewing. Little to no room for new series in the fall for NBC. It also means NBC is providing about as much new material in the fall (not including Leno's contribution which let's face it will be cheap schlock at best) as CW, FOX, or MyNetworkTV. This is NBC we're talking about! The network that literally STARTED IT ALL with the red & blue networks back when television was first invented. That's pretty messed up.

No comments: