I used to feel that way too. Being christian was, I thought, a part of who I was. That's a misnomer. For many years I clung to what's essentially Pascal's Wager. I was born christian so not being one anymore meant i was no longer me, and what if I'm wrong? I'd be not me in hell burning forever. I didn't like the sound of that. However, I didn't become an atheist overnight, while at the same time I did. It was a laborious process, but one day I realized that not only could I no longer be a christian but I hadn't been one for awhile. While I could theoretically live in a delusion so long as I consciously don't see it, I could no longer live in that delusion after seeing evidence that it was one.
You Broke Me A Little Bit
4 years ago