Hypothetically speaking of course, the first thing I'd do is write a much better book. It wouldn't be a sciency book per se but it would have a little science in it tho not so much as to scare off the dummies. It would encourage the little humans to seek knowledge and treat each other far nicer than they do now.
Secondly I'd turn off my omniscience, cuz I imagine that'd get really annoying fast. I'd keep the all powerful, eternal & infallible things tho cuz I bet they'd come in handy. Actually I'd like to use that omni thing now and then. I'd have like a light switch that follows me around & when I'm bored I'd turn that on. Probably mostly to watch porn.
That way, as god, I'd be fully within my rights to check in on Christina Hendricks as she's bathing, but I could only do it when I'm omniscient, so I'd probably be quickly distracted by stuff that threatened the universe again. I'd go fix that, then come back only to find Ms. Hendricks was now done bathing and wearing way too many clothes again. She should wear less clothes. I'd be tempted to appear before Christina Hendricks as she prayed and ask her to start a nudist colony to honor the One True Dude Who Made Her So Perfect and then maybe after that I'd have the nerves to ask her out on a date. I mean, I would be god after all. Can't gods get chicks whenever they want? Then again, maybe I should aim a little lower than Christina Hendricks.
The truth of the matter is, being god, and omniscient, I'd know that Christina Hendricks is secretly gay. And that I made her that way which makes her being gay totally okay cuz I'm god and I'm perfect and stuff.
Third, I'd wish for more wishes. That way I could continue being god as much as I wanted despite the fact it's a totally absurd concept. Maybe Janeane Garofalo would be impressed if I showed up while she was bathing and announced I was god... No, she'd probably reach for a can of mace and kick my ass. Maybe I should try lusting after women who couldn't kick my godlike ass.
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